Let’s face it, sometimes for some reasons ,we all get to be angry and that’s fine. Anger is a natural, primary and healthy feeling.
Yes! Healthy! Feeling angry is actually good for us. We need it to express our negative feelings and we don’t have to feel bad about it.There’s nothing wrong with being angry as long as we manage it. As a matter of fact, the problem is that we don’t know how to deal with and how to express it. That’s way learning how to manage anger and anxiety is really important for us. Indeed, when anger gets out of control, it can be destructive for yourself and for others as well. We have all,at least once, being so angry that we lost control it.Explosive anger can have serious consequences on our health, our work and our relationships.
Why are we so angry?
When we meet unpleasant circumstances and we are stuck in situation we don’t want or dislike, our mind reacts by feeling unhappy and this feeling can turn pretty quickly into anger—and that anger is a common response when we sense a social or professional affront or even a threat. In those cases, it is legitimate to feel angry. However, it becomes a problem when you express it aggressively or in a way that harms yourself and/or others. This is when you want to feel bad about it.
“Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one.” Benjamin Franklin
It’s time to let it go (and you can’t hold it back anymore! I know it sounds like a song)
So yes, right now you’re getting mad because one of your employees didn’t do the job as you wanted, because your husband forgot your weeding anniversary or because someone is insulting you and disrespecting you—and you feel that your heart is beating faster than usual, the adrenaline is now coursing through your body and you are feeling hot.You are not happy and you want everybody to know, perfect it’s time for you to let it go but not in way you usually do.
Don’t feel bad for being upset, you probably have all the reasons of the world to, but keep in mind that you want to control those feelings so they don’t control you. When I am talking about letting them out, I am not talking about yelling or punching. You want to free yourself from that frustration that kills you inside.
The point is that you can’t always control a situation you are stuck in but you can control how you are going to handle your reactions.This is the moment when you listen to your body and your mind and you say STOP to those negative feelings. We usaully loose control of ourselves, of our words and most of the time it really hurts. How many of us, once when we were mad at our moms, brothers or partners, have said things that we actually didn’t think but it was easy to say because we wanted to hurt the one we were mad at. Unfortunatly we don’t think a lot of what we say while angry but the thing is that once they’re said, they can cause a lot of pain and there’s nothing we can do. Yes, when we are angry it feels so good to say it, but it’s so bad because it’s mean and hurts. On another hand, sometimes, we face bad people, but still, think about it, you don’t want to be as bad as them. Be smart and wise, don’t respond to them the way they want to. Walk away from them! Easier said than done, right?! Just try it.
The few tips that I am going to give you in few seconds are some that I use, I’m not saying that they are miracle solutions or that it gonna work on everybody, but it really helps me calming down whenever I get angry and frustrated.
Breathe deeply: I just close my eyes, I take a deep breath and picture myself somewhere else. You can picture yourself anywhere as long as it makes you feel better. Breathing deeply will allows you to fill your oxygen and relax your body. Take slow and deep breaths especially before speaking because your mouth works faster than your brain. My dad use to tell me whenever you’re angry, lay down. After some research, this advice actually come from the Prophet Mohammad who used to say:“If one of you is angry when he is standing, let him sit down so that the anger will leave him. Otherwise, let him lie down.” The explanation says that it’s because then you’ll be lazy and won’t do something crazy. But I’m not gonna pretend being a tough woman just taking a deap breath and everything is fine now again! No, sometimes I cry too (like a lot) but then I just feel way better!
“If I feel frustrated in a situation,I take a deep breath and walk away.” IMAN
→funny tip:Buy a bottle of children’s bubbles and breathe slowly through the wand 🙂
→If you absolutly need to scream, take a pillow or do it in your car while alone.
2.Use a stress-relief toy: Something like a stress ball can help because they prompt you to squeeze and release a group of muscles. It works like a progressive mucle relaxation and believe me or not it is way better to use a stress-relief toy than punching or throwing things (espcially when they are expensive).
3.Write down your feelings: If it helps you, write down your feelings, let them go! Don’t try to hush them, they are here and they won’t go unless you let them but choose the right way to do it. Personally, when I mad at someone and I am just to angry to tell him/her because I know that my words would go beyond my thoughts, I write it. Here’s what I usually do, I write everything I need to say on a blank text with no recipient. Then when I’ll feel better, I’ll have a deep conversation with that person.
4.Listen to calming music: Here’s an excellent relaxing distraction technique. You don’t have to love classical music for that one.Try to listen to a quiet music or song , something calming and tranquilizing. Of course, if you’re upset because your boyfriend cheated on you or left you, don’t run listening to Adele but choose something that will calm you down and make you think about something else than your problem and make you feel better. Choose carefully the music or song you are going to listen to because music is something really subjective and can touch your heart, unfortunately sometimes it can remind you how sad and unhappy you can be.
5.Give yourself a time-out: You need to calm down, and staying around people or things that angered you doesn’t hepl at all. So go away and focus your attention on something else. Again it can be anything want as long as it helps you feeling better and keeps you safe and others as well. (You can try the “kid time-out” and put yourself in front of a wall , but I don’t think it’s gonna work so just go away 😉
Once you feel calm and have let go of your anger, talk to the person who angered you if can. A calming and deep conversation can help both of you in understanding each other. Some people do bad things intentionnaly but some others just really don’t and this is why you want talk to them, to give yourselves a better relationship.Put yourslef on people’s shoes and put them on your shoes. But remember to talk to that person only when you have letting go of your anger. Also remember to forgive yourself and others as well. Do not apologies for being angry, upset, sad or frustrated. This is your right, your feelings are hurting you and you want to take them take as far as you can, this is fair. I have no doubt that you have all the reasons of the world for feeling this way, but keep in mind that you want to take the best out of those feeling to find a solution to your problems.Again,take the best out of your negative feelings and not the worst, do not hurt yourself or anybody else.The only way you will be able to do it, is by taking control of them and not letting them taking control of you.
So, tell me, you’re feeling angry? just let it go but in the best way.
Be happy and safe.